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How does one do this? Be it the gft of a fantastic friendship, the the calling of medical services when you can’t call for yourself or others, or any innumerable ways someone either protects you from yourself, or assists you in a situation when the assisting hand is needed and not asked for (let alone able to be asked for).

Today I apparently had yet another seizure and I have no idea why. This got me to thinking about gratitude. Not only gratitude but how one expresses it and to what measures are gratitude properly expressed for various deeds & tasks.

I’ve been up on my medications, I’ve been getting my sleep and taking the best care I’ve ever taken of myself in my life. My weight is better than it’s ever been and my blood sugar is decent. The paramedics said my blood pressure was good as well. Is it stress? Is it something I haven’t thought of? What is this mystery cause that I can’t seem to grasp? How do I repay those that assisted me today let alone those that have assisted me in the past or grace me with their continual beautiful gifts on a daily basis?

I’m at a loss on how I an achieve this. Even my impending degree at USF has not helped me crack this code. I know I can just continue to be the best that I can be and that might be a minimal reward to those that care for me. To me however that is a paltry response.  can’t seem to grasp how to express gratitude in an effective yet meaningful way to anyone.

Who loses their jacket on the rainiest day of April?

Who loses a shoe mid-seizure?

Why can’t I find my gym bag that has my combo locks already attached and ready to go as well as my towel from REI put in there?

Why did I put asparagus in my SALAD of all things even though I can’t stand the way these pee-stinkers taste?

Who is this guy who is changing his alarm clock to wake and work out in the morning? I don’t get him and how did he get into my body?

I also don’t understand how this is becoming my life and I don’t understand why these changes are so important to me right now but they are. I’m doing them for me and it feels right. I plan to go back to judo this week or next. I’m excited about that more than I can express. I would love to compete in a tournament this year at some point. In fact, I’m making that a goal. One year from today, three hundred and sixty five days from now I want to have competed in (and hopefully done well in) my first judo tournament.

Step one in doing so is changing my routine. I will go to bed early on the weekdays in order to get up early so I can go for a run before work. After work I will go to the gym and keep the usual night shift but still go to bed early.

At least that’s the plan. Now, I still need to figure out who the hell put this damn asparagus in my lunch.
Asshole!

Louis CK – My Horrible Body

Louis CK – Cinabon Explicit

Maybe I’m becoming old, or older in my views, but what this all is boiling down to is I’m really enjoying the time that I am spending *with* people, rather than the pseudo-relationships I’ve formed via social networking. It’s a simple concept. The concept of spending time with each other rather than the electronic tethers can be quite rewarding.  I  knew this concept a while ago. I know I lost it for a time. I think way too may of us have forgotten such a simple concept as well with the explosion of social networking sites, multi-use cell phones and other gadgetry. It doesn’t mean that these devices are terrible but I see that they are overused or at least can be overused. Even if simple dumbing down of technological communication types were to occur, I don’t think that I’d complain that much if it meant that people were to interact with each other more meaningful fashion.

For sometime now I’ve been ‘competing’ in a contest of two that we call ‘Bitch Fest’. Last year it ended with no winner but two participants that were able to vent, release and complain freely without the usual constraints that social standards hold us back. We let loose on all that ails us mentally, and even sometimes physically, knowing that the other will be there for a friendly ear and perhaps some advice. Even if the only sound heard is a sigh, it’s nice to know that someone is there. This year in ‘Bitch Fest 2010′, I have had quite a few complaints already. My counterpart has had just about the same quantity. We never really keep tally or do a yearly review because really, what’s the point of reliving the past complaints? I don’t know if we’ll ever find a way to determine a true winner in this so-called game. What I do know is that I’m finding that I feel valued as a friend when my counterpart calls me. Be it to vent via BF2010 or just checking in, the fact that they took the time to make contact with me is becoming a very rewarding experience. I’m finding this to be true with a few of my friends really. Be it, past co-workers that I still talk with or pool buddies that want to spend time with me…

In closing, ‘Bitch Fest 2010′ will continue, I must say that having such a ‘game’ has been more helpful and rewarding to me than I could have imagined.

When the student becomes the teacher, is it always good?

I’ve been enrolled in a class that is learning programming concepts.Visual Basic is the tool we are using  on the Visual Studio enterprise system that we are provided via University of San Francisco. What is happening though is that the professor seems to be on and off. I cannot quite put my finger on it.

One day he seems to be on his game telling us exactly what he needs to such as what an array is and how bubble sorts are working but then when we have questions outside of class, he is absent unlike what he promised us. i find that myself and one, maybe two others have more experience in the field of programming so I am helping a good portion of the students, hopefully, learn. While I feel good about this, I also feel that they should be getting this instruction from the professor.

In the end, I all I can ask for is that my classmates will find that the instruction that I give them is a helpful free supplementary to the mishmash that they are paying for. while frustrating, it’s also gratifying at the same time. Perhaps there is a future in this for me after all.

How was your weekend? Mine was a mixed-bag.
It’s like one hand is reaching into a bag of soft puppies and the other is poking into a can of sharp needles.

When I did my own thing I was fine but when I relied on others I seemed to always be disappointed. Suck ass. On the plus side though, I got a ton of cleaning that needed to be done. i hope the roommates appreciate it. Not all of the cleaning was done in common areas but having a clean living environment has proven mental and physical health benefits. The oven and dishes were the main areas that were tackled in the common rooms. Believe me, they were not done without hesitation.

After realizing that I had been holding on to stuff just to hold on to it, I am in a minimization mode. For instance, the pool table is going away. I have people coming over Thursday or Saturday to look at it. The dresser in my room which I’ve had since I was seven is also being given away. My books, DVD’s and other miscellaneous stuff is being either given away or sold. Why? I have no need for it. I would rather have things that I use on a regular basis and a more concise well organized arranged room than one that looks like office depot and goodwill aborted their love child in my room.

Other weekend activities included connecting with a friend that i lost much to my own actions. it took me a while to understand what I did but I think through persistance, learning and well even USF helped me with this… I realized something new about myself and the relationship that I lost (or almost lost). Hopefully it can reform.

I made curry for the first time. It was way too watery. I had never made curry before since I had always tried to be respectful of my roommates. I still try to but I was super hungry! I don’t think I stunk up the house too much but I did make an attempt at curry. If my roommates were upset, they didn’t say anything to me. If they were upset and just couldn’t verbalize it… SORRY!!!

Last notable thing was really the kicker and really irritating. A ‘friend’ I’ve known for a long time really hurt me this week. We made plans to have a meal together and he bailed. he didn’t say why he never showed up but when he called an hour late I was not really ready to talk to him. I heard that he was safe and not hurt but I also knew that he didn’t respect me. His actions show me that not only does he not respect me but he doesn’t care about me. If he did care, he would have made an effort to reach out the night before letting me know that his arrival was in question so I could make other plans. I don’t know where my friendship stands with this guy anymore as this is not the first time I’ve felt this way with him and I don’t see him changing.

No Rain –  http://bit.ly/bKtN23
Irreplaceable – http://bit.ly/aYTzsg

Pancake day was a bust aside from finding a hilarious (and tasty) new product. The only person that RSVP’d bailed on me because they got too drunk the night before. While the pancakes and coffee were delicious, being tossed aside makes me feel disposable and unimportant.

Personally I prefer Jack Daniels.
Briggs likes foo foo drinks like Vodka-cran or something with an umbrella.

Kim-bo however, She kept it light because she loves dem “HOES“.